Merry Christmas to me

Ross just called from the store... he checked the mail for me today.

My course package is in.

And, he said, there was something from school that "looked like a cheque"

"Nah.... why would they send me a cheque? It must be another bill; I haven't paid it yet.... it said it wasn't due until Jan. 18.... well, open it for me, anyway...."

"$950 - it says it is a scholarship"

Don't you TELL people when they get a scholarship? At least tell them what it's FOR?

Apparently not....!

I ain't complaining, though.... honest!

The Home Stretch

and it's starting to feel as though I just make it... thanks to the support of so many of my gather friends, family, and of course, hubby....

last class at Laurentian @ Georgian this aft... then a couple of exams next week.. ok, well 3 but who's counting... one of my profs here is supervising my Shakespeare exam from another U... so that's next week too

Still a week left of the Networking class I'm teaching... after this week ... I will be SO glad when that is over.

And haven't done nearly enough of my ML Honours Essay (40 - 50 pages;needs to be all done first draft by February!!! ACK!!!) ...so need to get cracking on that.

But overall I'm in pretty good shape... and next semester am doing only 1 actual class, 2 independent study/corespondence courses, and the essay ... should be managable... and THEN I will graduate with my 4 year Honours degree in English.

Got applications in at 2 universities re: grad school - meeting with another on Dec. 14...and probably will still apply to one more just in case ...

Tons to get done over the holidays this year... but once I get through all that ~fun~ stuff, things should get much much easier. I hope :)

Anyone Still Read this?

Just wondering - as I sure don't update it very often... if you are still reading, sorry!

Have had a fun few weeks... got a cold... very bad idea for people who have cough syncope to catch colds!

Not accomplishing anywhere near as much as I needed to re: school... it is reading week now though... thank GOD! GOT to get my first Shakespeare course essays done and out of the way ... of course, I can't actually submit them yet...as due to my computer crash I have lost all of my email addresses including that of my tutor!

Will have to call Athabasca for that, I guess.

Also lost the bit I had done re: the first essay but that's not a major deal... have my thesis paragraph on Gather... will start from there and do it again... now if only I could find my copy of Henry IV! Can use an online version for writing it.. but need to find the dumb book to source the darn thing... unless I use act/scene numbers - then I might be able to fake it, right? Right.

On top of two 10 pages essays for Shakespeare, got some stuff to do for my Honours Essay re: Margaret Laurence... plus a paper for 20th Century poetry, and another for Victorian Literature... if I can get all that done - at least drafts - will be in good shape to survive the rest of the semester. Oh yeah...also need to at least look at Grad school apps and make sure I know when the deadlines are - would suck to miss them.

Just a ramble...

all set up outside with my laptop... plan was to work on my YA novel and I do have it open but finding it hard to get going ....

kids are at their Dad's ... seems to be going well; Tamara has a place to live for the end of the month, and just heard that she is going to get OSAP after all ... that's a relief. Jess is fussed about work, money, going back to school for the placement and one course she needs (without OSAP at this point) - but she is officially 'in a relationship' (as per her facebook profile, so its not all bad news. Says I get to meet him even - IF I am willing to drive down and take them out for dinner... kid will do anything to get me to drive down there, eh? LOL

Been trying to get there on a Monday so I can go do the soccer thing, anyway ...so maybe next week. I seem to be off for a few weeks! Well ... mostly, anyway ... I do still have the Shakespeare course to work on ... I'm through a months worth (according to their schedule) and only just started it this week, so hopefully can keep that up and get it done.

Haven't sorted out courses for Sept yet - everyone I need to talk to is away until the 19th, 20th or 27th .... registration is the 23rd.. hopefully SOMEONE that has a clue will come back before then ... Good thing I took extra courses over the summer though - at least I don't have to worry too much. In addition to the 2 that I'm already signed up for (in Sudbury), I only need three others over the course of the entire 8 months... was hoping to get them all out of the way in the first term so that I wouldn't have any that I had to take in the second but if that doesn't work oh well. Biggest reason for doing that is that I've already been told that I'll have work in the Winter 08 semester and at this point I have next to nothing for Fall ... so might as well focus on school for one semester.

Will be teaching some part time studies stuff - if they fill - but not enough to get the higher rate of pay, or the benefits, which sucks. This year, I was a full time student so had benefits through that as well, which has helped a lot - but starting in the Fall, because my courses are being split between the 2 campuses, it's unclear where I fall in terms of them. Although LU Sudbury did make me pay all the full time fees on top of the 2 courses I've signed up for with them, so maybe .... will sort it all out.

Right now I'm stressing about the lack of job/benefits though - mostly because Ross' sisters seem intent on wiping us out financially. Was bad enough that we're going into debt to pay them money they are not entitled to - they finally accepted the offer - but then they started calling the lawyer with additional demands .... they want both TV's (which WE bought to replace ma's when they gave up the ghost), some of the furniture, and and and.... worst of all, in MY opinion, is that they have demanded the tin boat.

That feels like a direct kind of thing - they know full well that I am not comfortable using the other boat, don't like it, don't use it, etc.... they don't want that one - they want MY boat. Which is not technically my boat of course, its Ross' ... but I am the one that uses it.

After D. died, they came over and supposedly took everything they wanted except for the hutch, which we agreed she could get later. But now, because they're unhappy with the settlement amount, they have decided to take a whole bunch more just to be spiteful, I think.

Oh well ...as Ross says, it's just ~stuff~ and it can all be replaced. But given that the store is doing so badly and I have nothing much for September and now we're looking at a mortgage as well .... *sigh* Can't see the sense of replacing ~luxuries~ like the boat right off...

And besides, by this time next year, we could well be packing up to move...somewhere.... assuming ~somewhere~ wants me .... can't do a Master's here... don't know where I am going to end up, but ....

Most of my profs, when asked, suggest that I should be looking at the University of New Brunswick .... there are other creative writing master's programs - or tons of non-creative writing focused MA programs... but NB is apparently the best. Guelph has one in TO at Humber College campus - it's fairly new.... might look at that one too but my profs are not enthusiastic - I was underwhelmed by the one writer/prof that I met from there and I am a ~tad~ not thrilled about the fact that it's held at another college rather than at the actual University.

Seems to me that if I want to someday teach at the University level, I would do well to at some point in my academic career, actually study at one. Even though I'm going up to Sudbury in the Fall, that'll only be part-time... just Mondays at this point...

Anyway ...we'll see... if I'm not going to actually be at a University campus though, I might as well just do correspondence through either UBC or Athabasca - also possible. My concern about doing that is that it would not allow me classroom/TA experience.... and besides I like SCHOOL - not schoolWORK LOL

Doing the Shakespeare class at home is a lot more work than taking an actual class where you get to discuss things and hear what other people think about stuff and so on.... it's basically just tons & tons of reading. Which I can do. But classes are way more fun.

Ross says he's willing to go to NB or wherever I want... in fact is a lot more enthusiastic about the idea than I am ... I want to do the masters thing - but don't want to leave the kids and the grandkids (Coltan should be making his appearance shortly - she's started dilating already) and the lake and the kingfisher and the crane and.....


*sigh* Time to quit whining and get to work... hope all's well with everyone :)

Quick Update

I'm in my environmental science class.... at the moment we're being shown pictures of now extinct critters. I have problems paying attention at the best of times; this is not the best of times. Don't know whether I've just been overdoing, or... suppose I shall have to go visit the doc sometime soon.... anyway ... just dragging; can't keep my eyes open. Slept most of the day yesterday, and today I'd only been up for an hour or so when my eyes started burning and the exhaustion took over again.

Don't know how I'm going to get half of what I need to do done if this keeps up :(

Maybe I'm just tired because the last couple of weeks were stinking busy... did a condensed course, and then the Leacock Festival...which was great! ... I have done some blogging for it on gather ...got more reviews to do yet though! Plus still a 12 page essay re: the condensed course, and got to start on my Shakespeare course and have 4 computers waiting for repair and 3 projects re: environmental science and...and... and...
I can't afford to be tired!

Have you all voted for my story already? It's entered in an online contest - only the top 10 (by votes) go on to the judging round... if you haven't voted yet, please do!

Science Centre

Took my two, plus M. to the Science Centre on Sunday...too tired tonight to write too much ...but we had a great time!

M. was just too cute - she had a ball in the area they have there for the younger kids - especially in the room where she could ~play~ fake guitars and star on the TV screen. I think she could have quite cheerfully stayed in that one little room for the entire day if we hadn't dragged her off to other things.

The funniest bit wasn't at the Science Centre, though. It was when we took her for dinner at Swiss Chalet. She read the menu all buy her very own self, and decided she wanted the kids' combo with a thigh & a drumstick, which came with fries, supposedly a toy, her Shirley Temple(s), and a dessert - an ice cream sundae, or worm pudding, or Skittles or M & Ms.

She got her food - and the entire time she was eating, she kept asking about her drumstick - when was that going to come?

"It's right there - you're eating it"

"Auntie Lee, did I eat enough to get my drumstick now?"

"You ate your drumstick."

Etc, etc.

It took us a while to figure out that she had eaten not a drumstick, but a LEG - and she still wanted her DRUMSTICK....

to add insult to injury, they were out of toys, too!

We ended up getting her Skittles (instead of the toy) ...and stopping at a variety store for her DRUMSTICK - after she'd eaten her chicken LEG :)

An Update

Dad has been discharged from the hospital... no real answers as to what caused the problems, or anything...

And it is the 10th and still no answer re: Athabasca u courses... I am seriously IRKED

Meeting in Sudbury re: our proposals tomorrow.... they have to have to have to approve mine! think good thoughts!

KidLit

I'm in class... 2 hours down, 3 to go ...ACK! It doesn't matter how interesting the subject is ....5 hours is just too damn long if you ask me. Needs to be a lot more activity than lecture, but alas, no such luck, at least not yet. *sigh*

On the plus side though, the course is only 7 weeks long...so during the second half of the summer, I'll have more time off.... hopefully R & I will get in a whole lot more fishing

Still waiting to hear re: approval to take the Shakespeare courses through Athabasca.... extremely frustrated by the whole nonsense... started almost a month ago ...13 April... meet with academic advisor; she says "email me" which I do .... and then she ignores my emails. Get frustrated, meet with academic advisor; repeat ad nauseum.

Supposed to sign up by the 10th of the month in order to start on the first of the following month... a fact which I have stressed countless times... obviously not something that the academic advisor gives a crap about.

Finally took matters into my own hands and emailed the Dean myself ... for all the good its done so far *sigh*

Gordon Prize for Poetry

So ... my poem won the Gordon Prize for Poetry ....

Personally, I would have thought I'd have a much better chance at the prose fiction, but first runner up for that one and first re: poetry... both writing credits, which are never a bad thing.

This was the winning poem:

The sky is pinks and purples

with streaks of grayish blue;

reflected colours in the water moving

steadily towards the shore

disturbed only by the splash

of the large fish that taunts us daily

jumping always in the same area

of the lake, causing large ripples,

and attracting the attention

of the more adventurous of the ducks

that feed around their favourite dock

while the kingfisher watches from his post

on the wheel at the top of our boat winch

and the crane moves stealthily along the shore

leading with his long, slender neck

past the neighbour's golf course lawn

towards our own unkempt buffer zone

as the sky turns darker than

the unnatural pink of the water

before it fades into pink grey darkness

behind the high pitched whine of the frogs

and the swooping flight of the bats

who have decided that the sun

has signaled dinnertime.

And so ends another semester....

Well, it's over.... and now - aside from one more core English course which I'm supposed to take over the summer (except there are none offered during the summer through Laurentian, and my academic advisor doesn't answer her email so I can't sign up for an online one) I'm supposedly off to Laurentian Sudbury for fourth year. So far I am not impressed!

Has taken way too many emails to try to sort out what the requirements are re: the Honours Essay proposal I need to submit (and get approved) so that I don't have to go up to Sudbury more than once/week. Had to ask repeatedly to find out who could supervise - finally got an answer today but don't know if the prof I want to work with qualifies and she hasn't answered my email either. Was also told that I have to make sure that my topic is not being covered in any of the Honours Seminars which are being offered ...so fine... logical thing to do would be to go look at what is being offered - special topics chosen by the prof - that's all the info I could find... emailed Sudbury again and asked how one knows - told to email the prof - so back I go through the courses again. Emailing profs would be a lot easier if they had been assigned. They haven't.

I gave up - for today, anyway.

Did manage to sign up for the one course I absolutely have to take up there - it sucks - the only section that is a three hour block is Monday night - ends at 9 p.m.
Hardly an ideal time to have to be heading back on a three hour drive. And to further irritate me, almost all of their courses are offered in 1.5 hour sessions 2x/week. Monday/Wednesday or Tues/Thursday. I am NOT driving 6 hours for a 1.5 hour class. I had hoped I'd be able to get 2 courses on the same day ... 6 hours of class ...would make the drive more worthwhile. Was even willing to stay overnight one day/week if I could take courses Monday afternoon/Tuesday morning... but they don't offer ANYTHING that works. Nothing. Nada! It SUCKS. Very poor planning, if you ask me. There was only one other course that could have worked - but its full. Go figure.

At the moment, I'm not so sure that I want anything to do with any of this crap. Kicking myself for not having at least looked into whether I could transfer to York for fourth year. I wonder if its too late?

Happy Birthday

Went to Brampton for M's bday dinner a Jack Astor's today... probably shouldn't have, as I have a paper due in CanLit on Friday and its not done... and teaching all day tomorrow and usually by the time I get home I'm tired and I don't feel much like writing essays .... but what the heck - you only get to be 7 once.

M. did a great job of playing a guitar solo on her new guitar for us - was very funny actually... when her audience got too chatty or distracted, she would play a very loud PAY ATTENTION TO ME chord and then go back to plucking single notes.

Didn't your mom ever tell you?

Didn't your mom ever tell you?
That if you can't say anything nice
Don't say anything at all?
Didn't she tell you once or twice?
I bet she did - you forgot?
Forgetting's not a crime
or is it? Well it can be
I'm afraid it is, this time.
Maybe you should count to 10
before you open your mouth and blurt
out your ill formed - thoughts?
not considering who you might hurt.
You're not bright enough to know it yet
perhaps you'll never be -
but this time, dear, I think you'll find
your words bite you, not me.

Bummer!

Happy dancing!

I'm doing my biggest bestest happy dance tonight!

The one prof from whom I am taking THREE courses this semester - who last semester gave us the ugliest exam I have ever seen (and I have seen some very ugly exams!) ...has decided to make our exams - all three of them!!!! TAKE HOME EXAMS which we will have 2 weeks to write.

Of course, that's like 18 one pagers and 6 or more essays which I will have to write (knowing his exams) - but they won't have to be all done in 3 hour sessions over the course of 2 days.

Happy, happy, joy, joy!

Frustration

In class again ...2 in a row with B. and both with quizzes ...I detest his so called quizzes with a passion - they test not our understanding of anything, but rather our ability to master the most minute and boring details of the works we read.

I can explain the poems we study, for example.... but I'm sorry - 3 weeks later, while I will still be able to tell you about the poem, and even perhaps, about the author - I will not remember which state the town mentioned in the poem is in, nor what colour so and so's hair was (unless it mattered) or .... trivia... it's all just trivia.... and even if I wanted to, my brain just does not work that way.

Wouldn't be so bad but for the fact that the weighting of them is so very high... I suck at multiple choice at the best of times - to have them worth 40% hurts!

he's lecturing now; gotta go :(

In Class

Samuel Taylor Coleridge today ...not one of my particular favourites - although some of his work is not SO bad... but really, Christabel did nothing for me.... I have no use whatsoever for vampires, for starters.

Having a much better week - got a whole whack of ~stuff~ done - things I've been putting off. Did the paperwork re: Sudbury for fall, and started the process re: applying for permission to do the Honours Essay thing... haven't made much progress with papers yet - all Jess' fault! But much better able to focus on stuff now... got my reading all caught up, and after class today will start working on the papers I need to get done ... 2 of them just need drafts, 1 needs to be DONE and ready to hand in by Monday... I'm off at 2 today and all day tomorrow though, so should be able to get at least a good start on things tonight/tomorrow.

Talked to the Leacock Festival people, and volunteered re: doing media coverage for it - offered to write daily articles - review the events each day and provide info re: the next day.... I'm excited about it - would give me a great reason to attend all the events again (which I really enjoyed last year) - and hang out with the authors - and assuming the paper goes for it - will also contribute to my 'track record'

Seminar starting and prof coming to sit behind me ... gotta go

How to Get Published and Survive as an Author

Step One – sign up for email notices of coming events offered by the Canadian Writers’ Union. When you receive your invitation to attend the full day workshop in a city near you, sign up. You’ll want to do this quickly, as space is limited, and all eight workshops offered in the first half of 2007 were completely sold out.

Step Two – show up well rested and ready to learn, to ask questions, and to network with your fellow writers. Business cards with your email address would be an excellent idea: bring some.

The Toronto workshop was held on Tuesday, February 27, 2007 at the Textile Museum of Canada. Participants included published, unpublished, and emerging authors – those are the ones who have had one or two works published, usually with smaller presses, but who haven’t yet met the threshold at which one is able to begin applying for the various government grants which are available to Canadian writers. Where one fit in this continuum was immaterial to the presenters – the prevailing attitude was that each person in attendance was already a writer and would be published.

The presenters included Deborah Windsor, Executive Director of the Canadian Writers’ Union; Merilyn Simonds, author of twelve books including The Convict Lover, which was a finalist for the Governor General’s Award; and Ken McGoogan, award winning author of creative non-fiction novels including Ancient Mariner, a biography of Samuel Hearne. Each of the presenters was personable, well prepared and knowledgeable, and all were available for questions, both formally during the question periods provided, and informally, during well-timed breaks.

Topics addressed during the morning included an overview of the landscape of the publishing, bookselling and grant processes in Canada, the impact of technology such as the Internet and print on demand, and the relationships between publishers, editors and writers. Afternoon sessions focused not on the book, but rather on the writer. These included dealing with the daily grind of writing, and making it less of a grind by purchasing an ergonomically suitable chair and stretching regularly, generating income while waiting for one’s big break – and building a track record in the process, maximizing available tax benefits, and the importance of negotiating reasonable publishing contracts – and of seeking advice before one signs on the dotted line rather than after. The Canadian Writers’ Union is available to assist both members and non-members with this process, but is often not called for advice until the contract has already been signed, and can not be changed.

In addition to the wealth of practical information which was presented during the course of the day, participants were provided with a variety of booklets published by the Writers’ Union. The materials alone were worth the price of admission, which, thanks to a grant provided by the Government of Canada’s Book Publishing Industry Development Program (BPIDP) was only $45. Practical and useful information from people with real experience, a great lunch, and best of all, an opportunity to spend a full day in the company of other aspiring authors and to be regarded as a professional writer: these are the components which ensured the success of the Canadian Writers’ Union workshop “How to Get Published and Survive as an Author.”

Procrastinating

I'm supposed to be writing a paper today.

The Use of Sexuality to Evoke Terror in the Gothic Novel

That's what I have so far! Well, not really. I have gone through both of the novels I am to use and collected up quotes and so on ... found the places in which sexuality is used to evoke terror, in other words. And I have downloaded a bunch of reference articles - we have to use at least two.... I have many, because that's about all I accomplished yesterday as well.

I have to get something down on paper... but it's just not coming and I am getting very very very frustrated.

The computer I was supposed to be fixing this weekend is also not co-operating and I am getting very very very frustrated.

About the only thing that I have accomplished in days, really, is that I did manage to get off my arse and go for a walk last night. Now that I don't have to be home for D., thought it would be a good idea to take the dog and start walking up to meet R. on his way home from work again. I used to do that - before the hospital, and before D. couldn't be left on her own ...and we both enjoyed it.

I haven't turned msn on. Don't feel like talking. I had no patience for phone calls yesterday - none! Ended up hanging up on J. ... bad timing on her part, mostly. Tried to lay down and have a nap in the afternoon and every time I actually managed to doze off the phone rang. She was the third person to wake me up!

Why am I so bluddy miserable? Nothing is going right. I have so much to get done and I just can't seem to do any of it.

It's not like D. was my mother. If anything, she was a burden I should be glad to be relieved of - and I shouldn't feel guilty about that because she would never have opted to become a burden; to lose any semblance of dignity, to live with so little left. We did the best we could for her, and she stayed at home, the way she wanted to.

I am not supposed to be so miserable. I am supposed to be writing papers, fixing computers, making up for lost time.

It's just not working.

The Letter

This is the letter that I have written to the nursing service which was supposed to have supported us in taking care of my mother in law at home... (although the actual letter, of course, includes names). I haven't sent it yet ...so I would appreciate any feedback - am I being too big a *itch? Unreasonable?

I have been asked by both T, the non idiot nurse, and by the case manager (different agency, that purchases the nursing services from BHC) to write a letter.


Dear Ms. S.


My mother in law, D., died this weekend. And while we understand that this was inevitable, and that had we received more appropriate service, D. would still be gone, we do have serious concerns about the lack of professionalism and support we received from the on-call nurse.

On Friday evening, D. was visibly in pain. She was moaning and crying out, her right hand was badly swollen (something we had not seen before), and we were unable to get anything at all into her. I did try to give her the codeine which her doctor had prescribed, but because she was unable to swallow, this resulted in choking and coughing. This, of course, added to both her distress, and to mine. Any relief the codeine that did get into her brought her was extremely short lived, and within the hour, her cries were again becoming louder and more intense.

When my partner came home from work at around 9:30, we made the decision – for the first time – to call the on-call nurse for advice. Surely there would be something in the comfort kit …. When we received the call back from A., I expressed my concerns and asked for guidance. She asked if there was morphine in the kit, to which I replied that yes, there was, but that it was to be injected, and I have never given an injection. Her response was – and I quote: “Well, I don’t feel like driving all that way.”

She told me that she would call back shortly, and when she did, that she had spoken to T., who knew D. better, and they had decided that I should give an acetaminophen suppository and the morphine could be started during the day, when her breathing could be monitored better. And that was it – no suggestion that we could call back if it wasn’t enough, or reassurances, or any other expression of support. She didn’t feel like driving.

The comment has, at this point, become somewhat of a family story – a joke, almost. But of course, it really isn’t funny.

Because she didn’t feel like driving, we are left to wonder whether everything that could be done to keep D. comfortable in her final hours was done. Because she didn’t feel like driving, R. feels as though “he dropped the ball at the end” – that he should have been more assertive, done something…

He has cared for his mom for many years. I’ve helped for the last four and a half or so, but he was doing it alone before then. We have done everything we could to make her life comfortable – and because A. didn’t feel like driving, at the end, he feels that he failed her. And we are left to feel as though she experienced more pain than she needed to, and to wonder if we could have done better for her.

While that one comment stands out as a glaring example of unprofessionalism, it was not the only instance that we experienced. A. also did the intake when D. was readmitted this time. After several phone calls and postponements (from ‘between 5 & 6’ to after 9 p.m.) when she did arrive she was clearly extremely tired and not at all happy to be here. She told us repeatedly that she was too tired to bother with all of the paperwork, and that she would do it the next day, or get someone else to finish up later. She shared a great deal of information with us about the challenges and activities of her own life, and about how tired she was – and these things were clearly the focus, as opposed to D.’s needs.

When she left, she said that she would return the next day to put a dressing on her hip and finish up – she did drop by with the dressing on Sunday, but clearly was not at all interested in either finishing the intake, or doing anything other than complaining about how long it had taken her to drive home the previous night, put the dressing on and leave. Had we had to deal with her on an ongoing basis, I likely would have been more concerned – but since we were not in her area, I let it go – a decision for which I am now very sorry.

The other issue which I think should be mentioned is that it is very disconcerting to try to discuss life and death issues with someone on the phone when that person is busy dealing with her child. If, when I called for support, it was the nurse answering the phone directly, I would be more tolerant – but given the system whereby she called me back, I would expect that perhaps she might have called without the child crying and carrying on in the background.

At the very least, I feel that BHC has some training and supervision issues. Of the three nurses who provided us services, the only one who was always professional and always supportive, was T. She – T. – is so well suited to her job, and I am so grateful to her for the support she gave us throughout. You need more nurses like her – people who would never ever dream of telling a dying woman’s family that she didn’t feel like driving for a half an hour to relieve her pain.

If you require any additional information in order to be able to address these issues, please contact me at ......

Still Writing...

"Well, that was a lot of work for nothing!" R. said this morning.

He didn't mean it, of course. It wasn't nothing. We've been taking care of her - his mom - for a long time. Over the last 4+ years, as Alzheimer's stole away everything that made her who she was, we adapted and arranged, constantly modifying schedules, approaches and expectations as her abilities deteriorated.

It wasn't all 'a lot of work' ... until recently, when she became ill. She stopped being able to support her own weight at all, and became bedridden. Then it got to be a lot of work. But she wanted to stay at home. That was always her wish, and she told us so over and over and over - back when she was capable of telling us. That's one of the things about Alzheimer's, of course - in the earlier stages... the never ending repetition.... which drives you crazy at the time.... but which you miss... Later, when its gone.

Anyway - we did it. We kept her at home. And it has been, as he said, a lot of work. And a lot of worry too - not so much worrying about keeping her alive - that wasn't the goal. But keeping her comfortable .... and supporting each other. I've been totally distracted ...still trying to keep up with school and all that ~fun~ stuff - but unable to concentrate.... hating being unavailable... for her, but even more so, for R.

And now it is over.

Yesterday was not a good day. She couldn't eat or drink - any time we tried to give her anything, she would choke and cough and sputter. We kept trying, but....

By later in the evening, the codeine and aspirin that I had managed to get into her wasn't enough any more. I called the nursing service to see if we should be using something from the 'comfort kit' that they had provided. The nurse on-call last night - not ours - is an idiot.... and I will be making very sure that the agency knows it. She asked if there was morphine in the kit. I said that there was, but that I had not yet been trained to give it.

"Well, I don't feel like driving all that way just to give it." Gee, thanks for your support! Anyway, she ended up calling our nurse, who lives closer to us. After talking with her, the idiot one called me back and said that they had decided that it would be best to just give her one of the acetominophen suppositories 'for now', and that our nurse would start the morphine today, so that it could be monitored better. So I gave her one, and it seemed to help ...some, at least... she continued to moan, but it was a lower, less painful sound...

And then... somewhere around 3 a.m.

....the moans stopped.

And now I am sitting at my desk ....writing.... while R. makes bacon and eggs. I have filled the tub - the plan is to go and have a bath before the family descends. But I am writing while the water grows cold.... I'll add some hot.

There is a mirror on the wall to the left of my desk. And in it I can see her. Her mouth is slightly open; her cheeks sunken. She is cold to the touch, now - but no longer cold, in pain, afraid, lost in the miasma of Alzheimer's thought.

We've called the doctor who will come to fill out the death certificate - first though, he told us, he has to go and pick up a death certificate. He seemed to think we should have one here, on hand, for his convenience. Gee, I'm sorry! Perhaps he ought to have mentioned it when he was here more than a week ago.

Anyway - soon he will come and do the paperwork. And then someone... who? The funeral home, perhaps? will come and take her away.

It is so quiet.

It is going to be so quiet.

It was not all "for nothing"

We did everything we could for her - for more than 4 years, and especially for the last couple of weeks - to allow her to be as comfortable and as happy as possible.

We done pretty damn good.

And now that it is over, we can be secure in the knowledge that we did what needed doing to the best of our ability.

And she is - finally - at peace.

So Quiet

It is 4:45 a.m. ... and it is so very very quiet

she's gone.

She is still warm - mostly. Her face is cold.

I am sitting here in the living room and her laboured breathing is no more.

And even though I feel the tear rolling down my cheek

I am so very relieved.

for her.

Thank God that she is at peace.

I haven't woken Ross.

What would be the point?

He can say good-bye when he wakes.

And we will make phone calls

and be sad - but under it all

we will be relieved as hell.

And, on some level, take pride in the fact that we

- he & I -

did everything we could to take care of her.

Access...

That's why I'm sitting here soooooooooo sleepy in my car... taught 2 microcomputer applications courses so far today .... but got an Access Queries tonight so couldn't pack it in and go home after - even though I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to....

I am too tired, stressed and just overall done to care about teaching night classes right now.... money is one thing, but honestly right now I just don't care.

D. is still hanging in there.... keeps spiking fevers and 'forgetting' how to drink though .... very hard to keep her hydrated... and even when she is not totally out of it, coughs and chokes on pretty much everything we give her...She's at the point now where she just detests having us change her or do anything, really ... have to change her position every 2 hours, and she'll moan or say "Owwwwwwwwwww!" ... sometimes before we even really DO anything. Its distressing for all of us... but of course, it has to be done... getting so that it's a 2 person job just to turn her.

Spoke to R today though - new case manager called and is encouraging us to take advantage of the additional resources that are available to us.... i.e. 40 hours of home care (we've been running on 18/week for several years now), plus the nursing care, plus ...whatever.... I am under orders to figure out what i want to do with them but honestly right now I just can't think to work out what the best schedule will be for them.... have to have a plan for them before I leave for work tomorrow (at 7) ... guess I'll have to sort that out when I get home.

Everyone keeps going on about the need to 'relieve my stress' .... truth is that I find it a lot less stressful to be at home seeing to her right now than i do to be at school trying to concentrate. It's somewhat better now that I've covered off V ... got PSWs on the evenings I work late...and they are great...don't have to worry about the care she's receiving when I'm not there... but still... my concentration is shot and I can read and study all I want to - it seems as though nothing much is sticking in my brain. It is very frustrating .... and I have a paper due on Tuesday ...and giving a seminar next Friday and... and... and....

Im tired.

A good morning...

So far anyway.... yesterday was not so good - couldn't get anything much into her as she had a fever ... not as high as it has been at times, but high enough to knock her out. The only way we could get any liquids at all into her was using a straw as a dropper - and can't do too much of that either, when she's like that, as she's inclined to choke .. or just let it run out of her mouth.

Her doctor came to see her as promised. Didn't call first, just showed up at 2 - fortunately we hadn't left for our 3 hours of freedom yet... R. actually had his coat and boots on to go down to the store when the doc pulled in. Nothing much to offer - said we could give her antibiotics in case there is a uti - but 'he wouldn't' Comfortable and pain-free and let her go is the consensus of everyone involved with her care.

We've been moved from the department we were under re: home services to 'medically complicated' or something like that... new case manager and a lot more resources available. They've offered additional hours of home care and nursing - can have someone sit with her during the night so that we can sleep better if we want. Talked about it, but not so thrilled about the idea, at least at this point. It will help to have 7 days a week of home care though - Sunday's get pretty long without a break.

Anyway, now that she's drank her juice and eaten I'm going back to bed.

Well. THAT! was not fun!

Just came back in from shovelling the crap from the end of the garage driveway so that I will be able to get the car out in the event that they don't close the college...which they probably won't do until lunch time at the earliest because if they don't at least open in the a.m. they get less money. If they wait until later in the day, there is no impact on what comes in - which means those of us who teach earlier in the morning have little hope of being spared the drive.

Anyway - R. said to wake him up and he'd shovel for me, but I so did not want to do that. So I've been out and done that, and now that I've almost got my breath back, I'm going to torment the old lady for a bit (change and a roll; try to get some food, meds, juice into her; all that fun stuff) and then I will reload the college's website again and hope that they've given me a break - but knowing they won't!

Only 1 class this morning, and short this week - only doing one chapter, then giving them their assignment and letting them go ~work on it~

And another...

So very very tired today.

Lousy sleep last nght. thought I'd have a nap this aft, but no such luck - R wanted to go into town.

D drinking well today but learning to detest the changing and turning and fussing stuff... stiffens up and fights - it's nasty ...I detest stressing her out... but it is necessary.

Ended up sitting and holding her hand for an hour or so tonight... boring as hell, but not much else to do ...she was agitated and unhappy ...gave her a Respiridol though, so sleeping now... hopefully that will take the edge of the next change and roll.

An Update

D. was much better yesterday .... no fever, drinking and eating lots.... today, not so good. Skin is breaking down; fever spiked again, etc etc.... keep getting told "a week or two"

Doctor is making a house call sometime "before Friday"

Hopefully she'll keep breathing til then... but we're not counting on it

Yesterday, we had our first visit from home nursing care.

She was quite clear about ma's chances of recovery - no big surprises, but having some one else tell us certainly made the prospect of losing her in the near future more real. A week, maybe two, she said.

So - we're coping. Continuing to try to get food and fluids into her. Trying to prevent her skin from breaking down. Hoping that everyone is wrong and that - now that her fever seems to have broken and she has occassional waking periods - she might recover (she's proven the experts wrong before)

We're focused, my partner and I, on caring for her.

I wish the rest of the world would grab a clue!

It snowed last night. So this morning, before too much else, hubby had to go outside and clear the driveways.

And then one of our tenants called - my furnace is out, fix it now.

I was rather snotty to him. Suggested that he might perhaps at least give me time to finish what I was doing - and he whined some more and was demanding - so I told him what I was actually in the middle of doing when he called. I suspect he would rather not have known. Serves him right!

So - I have changed and fed and turned and got things ready for his breakfast which he may or may not actually have time to eat....while he has cleared the snow and gone to check the furnace and find our furnace guy's new phone number

Today I need to read Dante's Paradiso, and finish preparing for a seminar I am to give on Tuesday, and plan my lesson for tomorrow night's class, oh - and I think I have a quiz in Poetry tomorrow ... will have to study for that some time because honestly, right now, I can't remember a blessed thing that we have discussed in that class to date. Oh, and I have to send the notes out from Friday's class, and write a proposal, and my paperwork re: next year is going to be late if I don't get it filled out soon and and and and ....

Life keeps on going...even when ...

Customer Service @ Shopper's Drug Mart

So.... time to change to a new pharmacy, I guess.

I realize that my tolerance for things that waste my time is a ~little~ on the low side... I get very little time when I can run errands... and I really detest it when people waste it for me...
but I don't think that it's all me.

Last month when I went to pick up a Rx for my maInLaw, they would only give me one month supply for that particular one....all the others, they fill 4 or 6 months worth all at once ... no problem. But for some unknown reason they refuse to do so with her nitro patch. So - I take the one month supply (and pay the same dispensing fee as I would have for a 4/6 month supply) - reluctantly.

Before I went back this month though, we arranged for the doctor's office to call in a new Rx for a 4 month supply. No problem, they called and told them that they could fill them all at once (so that we don't have to pay the dispensing fee 6 times!)

Went in today to pick them up and #1, they hadn't bothered to fill it, and #2, they wanted to only give me one month's worth again. I argued, and eventually they agreed to do 3 months....
That took 10 minutes (2 different people)

fine - how long?

"10 or 15 minutes"

So ... I have an errand I can run in the same mall ... no problem. Gone for about 15 minutes ...come back, they're not ready.

A half an hour later, they are still not ready.

I ask a young man behind the counter to check what's up with them.
No problem, he'll do that for me.

About 10 minutes later, he happens to notice that I am now standing at the counter with my arms crossed and I'm sure obviously displeased. He has not yet asked - oops, sorry! I forgot.

Uh huh.

Goes to check on the Rx.

Oh - they haven't got to it yet. It'll be "a bit" yet.

So.... not only have they wasted my found hour today, but now I will have to go back tomorrow to actually pick it up.

Does he apologize? Does she - the twit that told me 15 minutes in the first place - apologize?

I say "I will be back tomorrow; thanks for wasting my time!"

Their response? both of them - in unison.

"You're welcome."

A conditioned response I'm sure - customer says thank you, you say you're welcome.

I suspect that that is the full extent of the customer service training they get at Shopper's Drug Mart!

So tired...

6 hours of teaching down, 3 more to go ... very small class tonight, if last week was any indication.... but demanding none the less... and I am so very tired I really really really just want it to be over so that I can go home.

I will be so glad when my classes are over tomorrow ....got papers to write this weekend... and a seminar to prepare for (giving it Tuesday a.m.) .... but computers are all caught up ...well, one that still needs a bit of my time, but that's doable.

Flitting

Went to Cambridge to see mom today - she was doing well - up and walking (with a walker) and all that fun stuff. Not liking her room-mates much - one whiner, one that hasn't mastered the use of the call buzzer....she'll be glad to get home, I'm sure.

Saw both kids - Tamara met me at Yorkdale and came along; Jess had placement, so couldn't, but we picked her up afterwards, and went out for dinner. Went to Red Lobster and watched Jess put away an entire meal, extra buns, AND an add on order of crab legs and THEN a huge slab of very chocolate cake and icecream. Don't have a clue where she put it all!

Saw M & the stringbean too ... hung out there for a bit so that Andy could use my car to go get some groceries. Was nice to get the chance to visit - I don't see enough of them.

Dropped the kids off - J to scrounge books for her placement, and Tamara at Yorkdale - felt bad that she had to take the bus both ways but I just couldn't manage the extra 2 hours that detouring would add.

got home to discover that ~someone~ had downloaded a ton of poker games and spyware on my computer... not a huge deal ... I did a system restore and set it back to yesterday ...but very annoying. Passive aggressive statement re: taking a day 'off' to spend it with my family, I suspect..... damned rude, if you ask me!

finished getting test ready for tomorrow.

Answered stupid student emails about the test tomorrow.

D. is still very ill... did talk a bit today - which was an improvement - but not well enough to get her up all day again, and totally out of it and running a fever again tonight. Going to call her doctor tomorrow - hopefully can work something out re: at least getting a urine sample checked without taking her in (although collecting one should be a real treat!)

Anyway, I'm off to bed - tomorrow will be another long day .... 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. - plus, of course, the drive at both ends of that.

2 down...

1 to go .... and B still not feeling well, so got an hour and a bit off between classes which was MUCH appreciated.... don't think I would have been much use to my students this evening otherwise....I'm wiped... but the rest helped.

Tonight we're covering email, and MS Word...and if they are doing ok, possibly might get into a bit of excel as well... not so much so that they LEARN much of it tonight but so that next week they'll have a bit of a jump start on it.... will see how it goes.

Got an email confirming my next few courses are going to run... at this point I was kind of hoping they wouldn't, but oh well... the money will be helpful.... just have to get a LOT of reading and rough drafts of papers going starting this week so that I won't be totally swamped.

Gotta go.... they're probably all up there already

Just Babbling

Have been working on my novel today .... sounds pretentious, doesn't it? LOL Oh well... it will, I hope, someday be a novel.... seems like every time I go back to it I find more stuff that needs changing. Somewhere along the way I changed the name of the male cyw (who I have made deliberately subordinate to the female - the influence of having taken Womens Studies, perhaps?) ... anyway, when I read through it again today I noticed that I missed a spot - or 10. NOW he's Joe all the way through... glad I didn't send it out like that! Spent some time updating my character outlines and so on ... which was worthwhile... have never really used character outlines and so on .... i.e. made notes to keep everybody straight... sure a lot easier to work from that way though.

Anyway, was making great progress, but then I coughed. And fainted. cough syncope ... the bain of my existance, at least today. If it was only the once, would be no big deal, but I am having a very bad day... angina, multiple incidents of coughing = waking up lying on the floor...and now, no doubt because of it, I have a wicked, wicked headache...

Took my meds, and tried to go back to writing but I can't concentrate, and can't seem to stay conscious long enough to accomplish anything worthwhile... good thing I've done my reading for next week! Well, most of it... have read everything required for my classes ... just haven't yet got to the 2 books on which I am signed up to lead seminars.. one of them I can't find, and the other, while I have it, I haven't started reading it. Will get to it ....eventually.

Got D. up... too late, now I have to change her bed before I can put her back into it. I knew I should have done it earlier! But I felt like crap and she is sick and so was sleeping and not at all interested in doing the rise & shine thing... Oh well... now she's up and I'm leaving her in her wheelchair because she's still wobbly and so'm I ... the transfers I've already done - bed to wc to toilet and back into the wc were enough to wipe me out completely...damn... there I go again.

This sucks! And it's going to suck even more if I'm not better by tomorrow. I am not looking forward to driving if I can't stop fainting! Nor to 9 hours of class :( Have to go though.... I have a quiz worth 10% of my final mark... and of course, I'm teaching in the evening. Will see how I feel though.. B. would likely let me make up the quiz ... and it's not that big a deal if I cancel a class...we just tack it on at the end... Might be the smarter thing to do ...

Another Week survived...

and this one went much better than last.... of course, having B. cancel 3 of my 5 classes didnt hurt... no class = no new homework or reading. I did read ahead anyway though ... but also got some work done on my YA novel.

Was pretty funny this morning ... could have had my free breakfast at East End - if only I had remembered that it was my birthday! It didn't even cross my mind until Tamara sent me a text message wishing me a happy birthday on my cell phone. Jess had better get cracking... haven't heard from her yet! Oh there she is, on msn ....and she even remembered to say Happy Bday without being told....well, not by me anyway LOL

Having king crab for dinner when R. gets home from work.... I love crab!

A Very Long Day

The weather - and of course, the roads - are lousy today. Took me almost 2x as long as usual to drive in to the college - only to find that my prof - who comes by GO from TO didn't bother to make the trip at all. Would it have killed him to have posted an announcement to that effect on Blackboard (our online course system) so that I might have known not to bother? I did check for one before I left.

Now I'm in Barrie and both my classes have been cancelled (both with him) .... and I can't turn around and just go home because Im teaching this evening (assuming they don't at some point cancel those - unlikely, as the weather seems to be clearing now; no sign of freezing rain). It's 12:35 now - 6 and a half hours to go :(

Oh well.... got my laptop (and converter so that I can plug it in while I'm in the car) and lots of my textbooks and so on.... can always go to East End or whatever.... think that's where I'm going to head now, actually - too damn cold to sit here for too long right now.

Winter 07 Week 1

So... survived the first week of the new semester. It was not particularly fun - problems with j's OSAP (still waiting to hear about T's), HR at the college and so on made for more stress than I needed.... they - HR, that is - say that they overpaid me last summer and I should have noticed it (by checking my pay stubs - which might actually be so, except that they SUCK at getting my pay stubs to me - they send them wherever strikes their fancy any given week, and I've long since given up on tracking the stupid things down) - they had no hesitation whatsoever about just not paying me until the entire amount is paid back.

The information I was given at first was rather incomplete - they said it was 96 hours, but the person who got the lovely job of telling me about it was not told which job, when, or anything else that mattered. I asked to speak to HR directly and was told no, she was to handle it - she went back and got the information, and also arranged for a more reasonable repayment scheme.

Turns out it was ~only~ 48 hours, not 96, and it was for the lowest paying job... so one hour of my current salary = almost 5 of those hours... so not nearly as big a problem as first told to me.... and, because I made a fuss, they have reluctantly agreed to take it out over 4 pay periods rather than just leaving me with no income at all until - aren't they generous? They asked that I sign a paper agreeing to this - and left it unopened with a front line coworker, which was, I thought, very poor form - my salary, past or present, and the details of the repayment plan being none of anyone's business! ...but anyway, it is worked out, and without either the kid or I having to drop out of school for the semester, which was my first thought as a possible ~result~

Actually, in one way, the whole exercise in frustration turned out to be a positive thing.... I was reminded once again how very very lucky I am... stopped into the store on my way home - stressed out, upset and all.... and even though business @ the store is so bad now, and we haven't found anything that works yet, R's response to my suggestion that I drop out and try to get my money back so that I can use it to support the kid(s) is to tell me to stop being an idiot.... both J and I are going to school, and of course we will manage it, of course we will support her. As far as he's concerned school is the most important thing.... if I want to quit work, even, and focus on school (and thereby not have to deal with the sorts of BS and stress they cause me, that's fine by him - but as long as I want to go to school, we - he - will make that happen).

Have I mentioned that I am very very lucky? And very spoiled, also?

Anyway, got it sorted out - and then, when I got home on Friday, in my email I found an ~invitation~ to participate in a survey of how well HR is doing their job! LMAO Excellent timing, don't you think? Too funny!

School itself was okay.... was feeling totally overwhelmed on Monday - 6 hours of one prof is exhausting, especially when both courses are Part 2, and I didn't take Part 1 of either. And then to go teach for 3 hours (no break in between) is a bit much ....especially given that it was snowy and blowy and the drive home SUCKED .... AND Tuesday morning I have 6 hours straight, again with no break.... so driving home at 10 p.m. knowing that in a very few hours I'm going to have to turn around and drive right back .... yucky! But by Tuesday at 2 p.m. the bulk of my classes are done ... 4/5, anyway.... and I have Wednesday's off, at least for now... I am teaching some one day courses on Wednesdays, but those don't start for a few weeks...and in the meantime I get to be the Grandma and watch the kidlet on Wednesdays :) Not every week... it will likely work out to every other (which is good; can use the days off for writing essays).

On Thursdays I teach 2 classes, and Fridays I teach one, then go to my 5th university class, in Canadian Literature, whih I really enjoy. The prof for that one is excellent, and I'm learning a lot from her - not so much about CanLit, necessarily, but about writing. She is an excellent editor, and willing to spend extra time on proofreading essays and so on ... I've asked her to be my supervisor for my 4th year independent study paper because I learn so much from working with her - well that, and because I really really like the work of Margaret Laurence, and want to focus on it for my paper. I much prefer CanLit to 17th & 18th century ~stuff~!

Had fun with my classes - the ones I teach - I think they went very well. Rather than work directly from out textbook - we start the course with 3 weeks of PowerPoint .... I had them create a PowerPoint about themselves. Things they like, things they dislike, what they want to be when they grow up, a joke... that sort of thing. We cover off the stuff that's in the first few chapters of the book.... working with design templates, images, and master slides and so on ... but we have fun doing it. And it helps me to learn their names - the more I learn about each of them as individuals, the easier it is. I always preferred the teachers who bothered to learn people's names, so I try to make a point of doing it myself with each new class.... the All About Me powerpoints work very well (and, because I had them submit them, and posted them on Blackboard, the online course system we use, it gives me a way to refresh my memory too!)
Next week will be soon enough to start getting into the actual textbook!

Anyway.... a very busy week... but I've got almost all my reading done for next week - oh! and I didn't tell you my discovery that is going to take some of the stress off re: those courses in which I've jumped into Part 2 without taking Part 1 .... when I got home on Tuesday I happened to pick up the textbook that the prof of those courses (and of one of my Tuesday classes as well) wrote - guess what is all covered - in very readable fashion - in his book? All the works that he refers to - the ones they studied in Part 1 - and how they fit into things. So now I've read almost the whole textbook and I think I'm pretty much up to speed - and I know it's there, so if I need to refer to it, I have it.

Got to go ... D is still lying in bed, but she's awake and ready to be got up for breakfast - she's very talkative today... just told me that if I need her she'll be at Valerie's LOL

Have I bitten off more than I can chew?

Right now it feels like it. New semester started today, and my schedule is (already!!) feeling more than a little overwhelming. I'm wiped - and then some ....2 3 hour classes with the same prof, a 10 minute break, and then I teach for 3 hours... and then the 1 hour drive home. And tomorrow, my first class is at 8 a.m. ....and I have 2 (again 3 hours each) back to back ... then errands for hubby's store, run home and fix two computers .... and be home to take care of my MIL by 5.... then Wed. is off... but got my 6 month old grandson for the day ... then teaching 2 on Thurs. And Friday is split...teach in the a.m., CanLit in the p.m.

Oh, and one of my former bosses left a message today - wants me to call her asap (if it's a job offer ACK!) ... and I picked up some more database work, and and and and .... did I mention I have about 50 textbooks for this semester - and every class has at least one, usually 2, papers that must be written?

AND I have a novel to finish and a bunch of short stories on the back burner and - oh, and I've been asked to give another reading, and there's this one day workshop and .... oh yeah, and kid wants to know when I'm going to deliver her left behind Christmas prezzies and put up her shelves and and and ....

YIKES! what have I done????

Let the Games Begin....

New semester starts tomorrow... been getting ~ready~ ... more or less, all day .... put a bunch of my books away in boxes so that I could clear some room or my textbooks for the coming semester. Updated my Palm, charged everything up (laptop, cell phone, Palm - I am SUCH a geek!) ...and packed my napsack .... all set I think...although to be honest my schedule is scaring me right now!

Felt overwhelmed last semester with Mondays and Thursdays clear... this time round I only have Wednesdays ...and as much as I'm looking forward to having Hunter on Wednesdays ... I don't seem to have much time built in for doing homework, reading, or for my non-school stuff writing. Just have to stay on top of everything, I guess!

We shall see.

It Works!

Got it to work ...and without resorting to violence :)

A thoroughly frustrating day!

It has been a very very long and annoying day.

Can't find my power cord for my laptop - I always keep it in my knapsack with the computer, so no idea how they got separated... suppose it could be worse - could have cord but no laptop! But anyway, incredibly frustrating... have looked everywhere and then some, and so has Ross... but no joy.

Called Staples - where I bought the laptop and they would happily sell me one for the low low price of $120... I think not! Toshiba website was horribly annoying so finally gave up trying to order through there and called them instead - would it kill them to post the 1-800 number on the website? Apparently! Had to call Markham number and listen to stOOpid recording twice to get the number - couldn't get it first time through; wasn't expecting it so wasn't ready with a pen. Anyway, when I finally waded through oceans of ~press one for English, etc etc crap~ got to a real live person (WHY OH WHY did I have to tell them English more than once? makes no sense!) ... he was very helpful and is shipping one out to me tomorrow .... should only take "a day or two" ... I hope hope hope he was telling the truth.

So anyway ... laptop is useless until the cord gets here, so my very wonderful husband said that I could have my birthday present early "Go into Staples and buy your keyboard" .... thought being that once I have keyboard could use lifedrive for working on my stories etc when I'm not at my desk... great idea but!

Went to Staples and 2 keyboards to choose from - one made by Belkin, $20 less than the one made by Palm but doesn't say Lifedrive in the list of models supported... buddy who is supposedly to offer customer service shrugs and says that he dunno... but why not take it and if it doesn't work, bring it back within 30 days for full refund. No, see, I am teaching tonight, which means that I am going to Barrie, and I want to be able to go to East End and work for a bit before class... that's kind of the whole point to the whole go buy the keyboard 2 weeks early thing.

Besides, when you figure that it costs at least $12/hour to have D. covered off for me to run stupid trips to see stupid people - made sense to me to pay the extra money and get a Palm brand keyboard that says right on it that it works with the LifeDrive.

Ask me if it worked?


ANYWAY! So I go to Shopper's Drug Mart to pick up D.'s prescription for her nitro patch and again they're giving me only one month's worth. All of her other meds, they give me all of what the doc prescribed at once - so only pay the $6 and whatever cents the one time. But for some reason, these ones, they have decided, we should pay that $6+ for each month. Twit at the counter shrugs and says that's the way it is, so I ask to speak to someone else, who also says that's the way the prescription was entered in the computer; nothing they can do. GRRRRRRRRRRRR! We'll see about that - will call doc's office tomorrow and get a Rx for 4 months worth and stand there and demand they fill it.

So then I come back home to muck about with the LifeDrive and keyboard. No joy. It just plain old wont work. Instructions say to go to Apps, Keyboard - but not a flipping word about what to do when Keyboard does not appear under apps... and usually I can google a solution to whatever, but coming up with NOT A DAMN THING THAT HELPS and I'm running late and have to leave and - did I mention I have a nasty cold? Tamara's fault! - so finally I give up and head to Barrie.

I go to East End and they're out of newspapers and I have no computer and so I write the 'old fashioned way' - not a story...a journal entry about children who shoot themselves in the foot? feet? so that they don't graduate when they're supposed to and what the hell did I do that not just 1 but both seem determined to have holey feet - with a pen and paper for the very short time I have left before class. Head over to the college early and lo and behold, the doors are locked! Well, now! I feel welcome - wonder how the 10 people who are signed up for a very beginners computer course are going to feel?

I call security and nicely ask for someone to come and unlock the front door to the building and am told that there is no need; the back door is open and there are no classes this week anyway. I inform the man that there is in fact a class, and it is of new-to-the-college students and I would very much appreciate it if he would please come and unlock a door for us. He wants to argue ... silly silly man. Fortunately, he did not show up himself, but rather sent someone else ...who not only opened the door, but also asked if I needed the door to the classroom opened as well...I didn't, it was open ... but it was nice of him to check.

So then my students showed up and as happens quite often, were unable to log into the computers - someone had, once again, neglected to make sure that their accounts were activated...something I complain about regularly but oh well... it is a new semester, after all. No big deal ...I call the support desk and ask that he either fix the accounts or give me guest logins for them. How many do you need, he asks. I tell him, and he goes away for a bit and then comes back and says that he is unable to provide me with guest logins unless we all truck over to his desk with photo ids. Excuse me? I think NOT! I suggest that perhaps he is mistaken, as this is a frequent occurence and I have not once had an issue with getting training accounts (although I hate having my students in them as it causes all sorts of grief with saving files and so on but that is another rant!) He goes away for another 5 minutes or so and my class is getting restless and I am getting very CRANKY ...finally he comes back on the phone and insists again that there is nothing he can do and... I hang up!

I ended up logging them into my personal accounts - I have 2, one staff and one student.... but what a pain in the arse! By the time we got all that sorted out, it was 7:20 *SIGH* I am not putting up with this sort of crap all semester - have about had it with this game. From now on am going to request training accounts be set up prior to the start of each course.... enough already... it gets things off on a very negative footing... makes the college - and me - look bad and I am so very tired of it.

So ANYWAY... then I drove home and mucked about with LifeDrive some more... still haven't got it working... and to make me even more ~happy~ I did a hard refresh of the life drive ... and then realized that the disk to reinstall the software for the whole thing is - yup - in the laptop! Which I can not open because it has no power and there is likely a way to force the drive open but honestly, tonight I am so tired and so cranky that I think perhaps that forcing it right at the moment would be a bad idea!